you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
