Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
