Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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