At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
