i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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