Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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