I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
