worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
