i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
