Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
