I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
