the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
