i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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