remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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