Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
