Did you just see the Batmobile???
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
