I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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