im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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