I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
