i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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