we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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