I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
