Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
