i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
