JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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