Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
