i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
