i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
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I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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