Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
