she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
