he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
