How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
