My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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