mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
