New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
