you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
