You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
