And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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