i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
