I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
