I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
