i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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