His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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