we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
