Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
