I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
