youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
