all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
