Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
