Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
