he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
