margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
