I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
