The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
