She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
