mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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