It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize