Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
