no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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