i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
