call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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