i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
