Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
