Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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