you didnt know i had herpes?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
