I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
