Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
